How Are You Doing?

On a recent Sunday morning after Mass my husband Jerry and I stopped for a breakfast sandwich. While at the restaurant we ran into one of the therapists that had done in-home therapy with my sister Sue in the past. Rose asked, “How is Sue doing?”

Since Sue’s stroke at the age of 43, 17 months ago, I have been asked this question what seems to be hundreds of times. Each time my answer has varied according to Sue’s condition at the time. I am always a bit unsure of what to say. I hesitate. But then I politely answer, as best I can, to update the inquirer of Sue’s current situation.

I have asked myself over and over why I hesitate before I answer these caring people who ask about Sue. After some soul-searching, I have concluded my hesitation is due to the difficulty of saying she is physically no longer the person she used to be – even if she might be doing okay for her current state of being. I need those couple of seconds of hesitation to come to grips with the fact that she is no longer the record-setting athlete she was in high school; she can no long play in the volleyball league she was a member of at the time of her stroke; she will never play softball again like she did the day before her stroke; she cannot talk, walk, feed herself, drive a car, clean her house, do laundry or cook for her family.

It is still difficult for me to accept. But through the darkness I have seen a light, a light that has illuminated the way to new life. I see new life in her husband, who lovingly cares for her in a way he never imagined he would be called upon to do; I see new life in her sons, who love their mom despite her current physical state; I see new life in my parents and siblings, who assist with her care by feeding her, bathing her, cooking for her family, cleaning, doing laundry, giving massages, praying for her and whatever else they might be called upon to do; I see new life in the many therapists and caregivers who have come into Sue’s life and taken a very personal interest in her, staying in touch even after their work is done; I see new life in Sue’s neighbors and friends, who will do whatever they can to help. There is an endless list of people who have been a part of this “new life” experience.

I have no doubt that, like myself, many of you have experienced similar dark times that have led you to new life that has undeniably caused you to grow in faith in a very positive way. This coming from the darkness into the light of new life is nothing new. Although I am amazed every time I experience it, I should not be surprised. Through the Paschal Triduum that we celebrated just days ago, we witnessed the darkness of Jesus’ death on the cross, which ended triumphantly with the light of new life through the resurrection. 

My heart goes out to each one of you who are experiencing – or who have experienced – dark times in your life. Like Sue’s former therapist, Rose, I wonder, “how are you doing?”  Though not easy, I pray that, like myself, through the tears, in the experiences of your trial you will be able to see the light of new life Jesus died to bring; that each day you will have the strength to face the darkness with the hope of the light of new life. May the promise of eternal life we have received through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus shine in you brightly this Easter season and always. Amen.

Brenda Hopf is a member of Divine Mercy Parish in Dubois County and also contributes to the “Sharing the Load” column in The Message.