Forgiveness Offers Freedom From Bondage

Sometimes the idea of forgiveness is as scary as diving into a deep, dark pool.

Nigerian Sister Francisca Nzeke is sure of it.

She’s a member of the Handmaids of the Holy Child, and she’s currently doing post-doctorate work in clinical psychology at St. Mary’s Hospital in Evansville.

Her vitae is loaded with scholarly achievements, and mentions that she started a high school in Nigeria.

It also mentions her writing, most notably her writing about the concept of forgiveness — which was done on a scholarly level as well as a theological one.

I sat down with Sister Francisca recently to hear what she had to say about forgiveness. Her voice is filled with the pleasant lilts of a Nigerian accent, and lovely to hear.

As we sat together, she explained that she has come to know that when you hold a grudge against someone, “you are holding yourself in ransom. You are in a cage. You remember the situation — with pain.”

Forgiveness means “letting go,” she said. “It doesn’t mean you have forgotten. No. But you remember it without the pain. You free yourself from that bondage.”

Often the victim continues to suffer long after the offense, while the offender goes about his daily business. Holding a grudge, not forgiving, can “cost us in so many ways,” she believes. “It can lead to sleeplessness. It can lead to depression.” And in worse case scenarios, she believes, “it can lead to heart attacks.”

Forgiveness is essential to healthy living, and it takes a lot of courage. It takes the grace of God to forgive what has been done to you.

But with forgiveness comes the wonderful feeling of relief, “because you are letting go,” she says. “You are letting go — and you are letting God. Then you feel at peace.”

Harboring pains and hurts and grudges after being hurt is natural. And in her work she has heard many people say, “You don’t know what happened. It was very painful.”

She knows that’s true. But she also knows that once a person has experienced the opportunity to forgive — to truly forgive someone — it changes them.

It’s like going from a “very hot place, with the sun beating down on you and very hot temperatures to being inside in an air-conditioned room.”

The concept of forgiveness is theological, she says. Recall the words from Matthew 5:23-24: Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

The words from the “Our Father” bid us to forgive everyone who has trespassed against us.

All religious traditions — Christian, Islam, Buddist, Hindu — see the value of forgiveness, she says. “You look at each religion, and the concept is the same. Let go. You will feel free.”

When we recite the “Apostles’ Creed,” we say that we believe in the forgiveness of sins. Does that mean we believe in the divine forgiveness of our sins? And does that mean that we also believe that we are to forgive others their sins against us?

Maybe it means both.

When do we start the process of forgiving?

Sister Francisca says, “Now.”

“Forgive. It sets you free.”