Not Two Peas In A Pod

My husband, Steve, and I will celebrate our 39th wedding anniversary on May 17. It’s always a happy time for us because we figured the smart money was against us.

We got married at St. Paul’s Catholic Center in Bloomington, and like every other dewy-eyed couple, we thought we agreed on everything.

That illusion lasted for years. During all that time, we stayed busy raising our children, working hard at our jobs, and only asking the first question.

Let me explain.

Do you like Cole slaw? Yes.

Do you like potato salad? Sure.

Do you like movies? Of course.

How in sync we thought we were. Just two peas in a pod.

Then we began to ask the second question, and that’s when we started to realize we agree on —  nothing.

We realized that I like creamy Cole slaw. He, of course, prefers sweet and sour.

I think American potato salad is the best, and he prefers German.

I love romantic chic flicks. Steve? Not so much.

Every summer, for years, we would stand outside surveying our yard. Steve would say, “It looks great!” and I always agreed. We finally realized that he meant his lawn and I was looking at my flowers.

One day we were driving on a busy street in Evansville, and I pointed to a stately old home with a charming Gambrel roof and antique shutters. I said, “I love it!” He agreed. He liked it too.

We should have left it alone. I ventured in with “it’s a perfect place for a gift shop,” and he countered, “I would tear it down and put up a modern building. It’s a great location for an office.”

Those kinds of conversations have flooded our marriage, and, thankfully, the longer we are married the funnier we think they are.

The experts constantly remind us that an important element in a strong marriage is good communication.

I think that’s probably true, but I believe that problems may occur when spouses communicate and discover how much they disagree, both on the big things and the little ones.

I don’t think that communication in a marriage necessarily must lead to agreement. I think that in healthy marriages, couples need to establish respect for one another – and agree to kindly disagree.

Marriage is a sacrament, and good ones are filled with love. I think many smart couples choose 1 Corinthians 13 for their weddings because the words tell us that “love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

That helps when an extrovert marries an introvert, when a risk-taker is paired with a very non-risk-taking spouse, and when someone who loves to start projects has a mate who must finish things.

The other day, Steve and I were walking to his car after a heavy rain.

“Mud,” I groaned. He nodded.

I could have left it there, but I added, “My shoes!” And he said, “My car.”

And then we laughed.