'God Heard Me!'

If you read the book, “Left to Tell,” by Immaculée Ilibagiza, survivor of the 1994 Rwandan genocide, you read about her daily struggles with anger, resentment and hatred as she hid with seven women and children in a tiny bathroom for 91 days. It outlined her amazing journey of faith and forgiveness during a time when there was torture and death all around her.

Ilibagiza was in Evansville last weekend, speaking to students and parents at the 2015 Source and Summit retreat, about how she relied on her faith during those terrible days.

Her father had arranged for her to be hidden in a local pastor’s house, and she carried only a rosary. She brought no change of clothing, and because the bathroom was so tiny, the women sat on top of one other. They could not make a sound, and their movements were limited.

Ilibagiza said to the Source and Summit participants, “Think about that when things get bad in your life . . . as it can get worse.”

She tried to live the words her father spoke to her, ”Even if we are about to die, let’s take this chance to repent our sins and get ready for heaven.” During her time in hiding, she said she learned many lessons:

• Parents and friends are gifts, so don’t take them for granted.

• Use the power of love with your actions, thoughts and words as you express yourselves.

• Love one other.

• Forgiveness is possible in every situation.

• When you can’t forgive, ask God for help. 

During her ordeal, she kept asking God, “Why, why, why?” At the end of the first week, she was filled with so much anger and frustration that she was shaking and sweating and she had a rapidly beating heart.

It was then that she realized that the Holy Spirit works through each of us. That awareness helped her work through her anger.

When searches were being done -- house by house, room by room, in closets, on rooftops, even inside suitcases where small children could hide -- Ilibagiza thought, “It’s over. They are going to kill me. How will dying feel like in here? Open the door and end the torture”

That’s when she heard a voice telling her, ”Do not open the door. Ask God to help you.”

She remembers praying to God, “I am begging you: can you hear me? Show me a sign that you are here. If you can hear me, don’t let them open the door today!”

At that moment, the door handle of the bathroom was about to be opened when the searching men said to the pastor, “We trust you. You are a good man, and wouldn’t hide bad people.” Then they left.

“God heard me!” she knew. “Even though those were thoughts in my head and heart, he heard!”

During her ordeal, she asked the pastor for a bible and she prayed the rosary for the first time. It gave her great peace, so much peace that she began to say the rosary every day, 27 times a day, starting at 6 a.m. and finishing at 10 p.m.

When praying the “Our Father,” Ilibagiza had difficulties with the words “forgive those who trespass against us.” She wondered how it would be possible for her to forgive her captivity and the torture and death?

Often she skipped those words in the prayer, until she surrendered to God and became willing to forgive.

As the days in captivity continued, she grew in her faith. It became deep enough for her to face the world outside the bathroom door. She also gained the strength to forgive the killers. This forgiveness became very important when she emerged from hiding and learned that her family and friends had all been killed.

Ilibagiza encouraged each of the Source and Summit participants to ask God for what they need each day. She reminded them that God has many ways to give them what they need; they just need to put their trust in Him.

She also emphasized her awareness that “we need to know that however long we have on earth, we should take it as a gift. It is up to us to decide how we choose to use it.”

The Source and Summit program began in the Diocese of Evansville as Youth 2000, under the direction of Bishop Gerald A. Gettelfinger.

From its onset, perpetual exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, except during the celebration of the Mass, was a fundamental focus of the annual retreat.

The retreat programs are designed for both youth and adults.

This year’s Source and Summit retreat for youth was held at Mater Dei High School in Evansville. Programs for adults were offered at Resurrection Parish in Evansville.