Another Week Is Possible?
I attended a medical conference recently and was intrigued by a lecture on identity given by Patrick Vinay M.D., a French Canadian physician. He outlined five ‘plans’ related to identity of the healthy, the sick, family members of the sick, healthcare providers and what our ultimate identity means.
We are prone to look in a mirror to discover our identity. This is not our identity – only our preconceived judgments. Seen is youth when in reality there is old age; or imagined is a peaceful countenance rather than the troubled look that others see. It is through the eyes of others that our true identity is revealed.
A strong sense of identity derives from family life, social standing, occupation and other personal relationships. For instance, a mother with a child is seen as a parent and her parents as grandparents.
When we are healthy, we often see ourselves at the top of our game; self-made and autonomous, in which every sunrise confirms our good life. Perhaps selfishly we believe in a personally ‘acquired’ identity rather than one that unfolds as a continuous gift. It tends to remain relatively unchanged; that is, until we become sick.
We immediately question how this sickness is possible. It is an affront. This event does not fit with my identity, and we are determined to regain our health as before. To the doctor, then, is brought the illness for him or her to treat
The focus is on the disease, with a goal of being cured. Along the way there is acceptance of many burdens as periods of improvement and relapse occur – leading to alternating hope and despair, self-confidence and self-deprecation.
Over time our identity changes as the disease process continues. In the transformation, ‘new’ words are spoken such as weak, pale, swelling; words that speak of loneliness and fear. Our work shrinks in ability and friends in number. We question the meaning in our lives or even consider if any meaning truly ever existed.
Uncertainty becomes the foremost reality, often accompanied by a crisis of faith. Lesser priorities in life, such as what gift we should get for a grandchild’s birthday, are put aside. But, greater entities remain front-and-center, such as how to resolve difficult family disturbances. Relationships seek to find deeper meaning and purpose. We begin to wonder if another week is possible.
Illness creates a stranger. Family and friends may struggle with what to say or how to handle feelings of uneasiness and possibly even guilt. A previously unseen physical or emotional side of the infirmed may show, leading to the discovery of a ‘new’ person. Relationships change. Identities change. Loved ones wonder if another week is possible.
In time, relationships with the healthcare providers also change. The ill person now considers treatment for his or her self. One identifies not as the disease needing treatment but as a person in need of help.
The humanity resonating in the relationships may profoundly affect all parties. For those in healthcare, the medical identity may go from a position of strength to one of humility, uncertainty and submission as the disease advances. Identities are again on the move with change. Now, medicine wonders if another week is possible.
New identities in the patient, the family, the medical team – all these can be very uncomfortable. How can comfort be reestablished in the face of these transformations? It is not always easy, but a presence to each other is vitally important. Remember, we find our identity through the eyes of another person.
Relationships promoting and maintaining comfort may evolve a spiritual revival and an internal awareness of one’s human value and dignity. Unchangeable in a world of change is life – as precious and as gift. In this way another week is possible!
Dr. Rosario is President of the Southwestern Indiana Guild of the Catholic Medical Association.
