Supporting And Rooting For Single-parent Students

Benedictine Sister Barbara C. Schmitz smiles, raises her arms, and exclaims, “I’m a cheerleader for single-parent families; I really try to be a cheerleader.”

As outreach family advocate for Family Scholar House – South Central Indiana, Sister Barbara, a Sister of St. Benedict of Ferdinand, has built energy and results for the nearly two-year-old program. And her cheerleading is for a much more serious cause than a random football or basketball game.

She’s cheering for struggling single parents to earn a college degree, to get a foothold to improve life for their family. But better yet, she doesn’t have to remain entirely on the sidelines cheering. She plays a vital role in the single parent’s battle by being a resource for them for just about anything. While she may not have an immediate solution to the wide-ranging requests for help, you can bet she’ll find a contact person for the student. 

Well beyond the normal years of retirement, Sister Barbara has even become a college professor through the program – she teaches a money management class called “Habitudes” at Oakland City University’s satellite location in Rockport, Indiana.

The Family Scholar House effort began in Louisville, Ky., in 1995 by four communities of religious women. Their intent was to leave a legacy of helping women and children. Later, Cathy Dykstra, president, and the board of directors took the program another step with the mission to end the cycle of poverty by giving single-parent students the support they need to earn a college degree and attain a viable independent lifestyle. With the Ferdinand Benedictine Sisters’ approval and commitment, the program began an operation in Dubois County in late 2012 that has grown to assist 65 families in a five-county area.

The life circumstances of some of her clients are heart-wrenching. An unmarried mother calls her, really nervous that her child’s father is suing for custody. Sister Barbara offers to go to court with her and reassures her, saying, “Just know that you’re a good mother, and tell yourself that 10 times.”

A former drug addict ended up in tears during an initial conversation with Sister Barbara. But “he has absolutely changed his life around,” she says, “which I think is so neat.”

Another parent confided in Sister Barbara during the emotional upheaval after her daughter had been kidnapped and raped.

She’ll get calls from parents whose daughters are in college, became pregnant, and don’t know what to do. They now have Sister Barbara and the Family Scholar House to turn to.

Some single parents need tuition assistance. Sister Barbara refers them, based on their need, to the Family Scholar House office, or she might contact local foundations. Someone even asked for furniture. She called the St. Vincent de Paul Store about the procedure, then advised the student the steps they could take. She also refers clients to other local agencies, such as Tri-Cap or Crisis Connection, depending on the type of help needed. Single-parent students have been helped by gas cards, gift cards, utility assistance, and emergency rent.

Among the skills training Family Scholar House provides are money management, assertiveness training, healthy boundaries, goal-setting, and giving back.

“I’m really trying to teach gratefulness to the students, to learn to give back when they can,” says Sister Barbara. “Several single parents have told me, whenever they’re on their feet, they want to give back. For me, that’s the ultimate goal. For them to become self-sufficient, raise good healthy families, and be able to give back. It’s important to me to stress that.”

Sister Barbara and the Benedictine Sisters have a tender spot in their hearts for the single-parent students. “When you see them struggling so much, the fact they’re working and raising children and going to school, you know it’s difficult for them,” she says. “I have such admiration for them, and when they graduate, it’s so very special.

“The program fits us well as Benedictines because it’s all about education. It’s so important to set up an environment for education. That’s what the Benedictines have done, all through the centuries.”

Her students’ graduations are such a milestone for her that she attended Nancy Lasher’s ceremony in Oakland City, Ind., along with fellow teacher Sister Mary George. “I was so glad we went for her,” says Sister Barbara. “I delighted in that.” And so did Nancy, as none of her family could attend. But her Benedictine cheerleaders pulled through. “It was a huge support,” says Nancy. “It was so important to me to graduate, being a single parent. And it was just great to see somebody there actually cheering me on and supporting me. That was a huge vote of confidence to know they were there backing me.”

When she first met Sister Barbara, Nancy talked to her for an hour and a half, including the struggles she was having with her children, and her difficulty in balancing everything. “She was very easy to talk to,” says Nancy. “It’s great to have somebody there that will sit down and pray with you, and talk to you. Unfortunately, my kids come from a split family and I talked to Sister Barbara about that. It was just very easy to open up to her. She really listens. You can tell she truly cares about people. With some you can tell instantly it’s an act. With her, it’s genuine.

“I’m always open for (praying with her), because I think the power of prayer is just amazing. That’s something she does and I think that’s awesome, because the prayers that she says, you can tell come straight from the heart.”

One incident that tore at Sister Barbara was a young mother with four children who married someone, who then started abusing her right away. She called Sister Barbara, who went into her listening and cheerleading mode. “She was just really beside herself,” says Sister Barbara. “I tried to build her self-confidence, to keep her going.” She looked for support for her two older sons, and calls her periodically. Such dilemmas become emotional, but Sister Barbara’s Benedictine community life carries them through it. The situation has improved for the mother, and Sister Barbara says she is “so proud of her” for the steps she has taken.

One of the Rockport students, Katrina Kelly, cites Sister Barbara’s help on budgeting, and “how to get your bills paid before you do your socializing.”

“A lot of it is (her) emotional and moral support, just letting you know you can do it,” says Katrina. “It’s a difficult thing when you’ve got kids, you’re trying to go to school, trying to work a job. I just think it’s the notion (she’s) there to support you, and if you need someone to talk to. It doesn’t have to be about school, it can be about anything. She let us know they’re there, and if we need anything we can go to them, whether it’s school-related or not.”

Katrina also appreciates the cards she routinely receives from Sister Barbara, just to let her know she’s there for her, and that she’s thinking about her. Family Scholar House also threw a Halloween party for the students’ children and presented them with gifts at Christmas.

Another Rockport student, Josh Burdin, mentions that Sister Barbara communicates at a level that people can understand. “I haven’t exactly lived a good life,” says Josh, 34, “but she doesn’t treat me like that, she treats me like a person. When I’m feeling down, being depressed, she’s able to comfort me, makes me feel better. She tells me, hey, you’re on the right road, you’re going to school, you’ve got your son, he’s being taken care of, you’re in church, you’re doing all these right things.”

Just like the cheerleader that she is.

She helped him find resources to pay his electric bill, and left him some socks to keep his feet warm in winter. It was a personal touch that will be long remembered. And her money management class has persuaded him to think differently about where he needs to spend his money.

Pam Bolen, who manages the Rockport facility, endearingly calls it an “hour of power” when Sisters Barbara and Mary George teach at the school. “When they walk in, it’s like two radiant beams,” she says. “Those two are awesome. Students love them. They are wonderful women who encourage those students to just keep pushing to be successful. And when you’ve got the two sisters sitting there for graduation, that support is just amazing. It empowers the students, and that’s truly what the sisters do for us. It’s just an act of God that they’re here.”

Sister Barbara has also created a 15-member advisory committee for Family Scholar House – South Central Indiana. The committee helps identify single parents that could be helped, lines up resources, and provides invaluable advice.

One member, Bill Hochgesang, superintendent of Northeast Dubois Schools, thinks the program is a perfect fit for the Sisters of St. Benedict. “Our faith teaches us to be Christ-like. In many parables in the Bible, Jesus fed the hungry and healed the sick, and said ‘go and spread the good news.’ This is definitely spreading the good news. The sisters are not simply giving a person a fish, but teaching that person to fish, so that they can provide for themselves and prosper. They truly are breaking the cycle of poverty, one person at a time.”