Wrinkled Families

"I prefer wrinkled families, with wounds, with scars, but that continue going forward because these wounds, these scars, these wrinkles are the fruit of fidelity in a love that was not always easy.  Love isn't easy.  It isn't easy.  No. But the most beautiful thing that a man and a woman can give each other is true love, for a lifetime." – Pope Francis

Wrinkles seem to be popping up a lot recently in my life, both literally and figuratively. My daily snapchat photo sessions with my far-away nieces cause me to filter to the best of my ability crow’s feet and accordion lines.  After 21 years of marriage, my husband and I sport wrinkles that punctuate our eyes and brows, but also our hearts.  Each stage of life, parenting in particular, has left wrinkles that no amount of Botox could remove.  Nor would I want them to be removed, because these trials have created the bond we share.

While speaking to families during a papal visit to Tuxtla Gutiérrez, Mexico, earlier this year, Pope Francis told a beautiful tale of a Latin American movie actress in her 70s dealing with advice to treat her wrinkles. “Her response was very clear: ‘These wrinkles required a lot of work, a lot of effort, a lot of sorrow and a full life. Not even in my wildest dreams do I want to touch them. They are the footprints of my history.’ In a marriage, the same thing happens. Married life has to be renewed each day. As I said before, I prefer wrinkled families, with wounds, with scars, but that continue going forward because these wounds, these scars, these wrinkles are the fruit of fidelity in a love that was not always easy.”

I miss the days when I could sit with my babies, rocking through the night, knowing that my most important job was staying calm so that I could ease them into sleep.  The babies have turned into young men towering over me with brains that have not caught up with their stretching limbs; still requiring the same amount of patience from their loving mother.

I have a vision of what patience is supposed to look like … it is not me on most days. It is the Blessed Mother Mary, calmly and serenely looking down at the Christ child. Calmly teaching and guiding her child to become all he is meant to be … not silently seething as she asks questions met with rolling eyes and grunted replies - when getting to the truth of a matter with a teenager requires the detective work of Sherlock Holmes paired with the patience of Saint Monica.

Pope Francis assures me that a family without arguing and mess is not what we should aspire to be.  “You have to know how to forgive. ‘But, Father, a perfect family never fights.’ That’s a lie!” Pope Francis tells us, “It’s advisable that sometimes they argue. Don’t be afraid of this. My only advice is that you don’t finish the day without making peace. Because if you finish the day at war then you wake up in a cold war, and a cold war is very dangerous in a family, because it goes undermining the relationship from below. The wrinkles of conjugal fidelity.”

Love one another, wrinkles and all.