Seventy Times Seven

Once upon a time, in the safe, protected world of my children, the biggest mistake one could make in elementary school was getting a yellow card at school. One day, as my youngest son was entering the classroom, another boy decided he was going to pick him up and carry him around the room. As this was happening, the students were supposed to be getting ready for the day to begin; so the teacher asked the students involved to “flip their cards.” Yellow is a warning – not a big deal, but it was a death sentence to a boy who had only once in his entire academic career had to flip a card. (Tragic nap mat incident in kindergarten – a story for another day.)

When I ask him to recount that day, he can clearly state what he was feeling and thinking as it happened. He was trying to be friends with a student, so he let him pick him up. He had choices – he could have removed himself from the situation and gone on with getting ready for his day, but he didn’t. And after he flipped a card, he worried. Worried about telling me. Worried about being in trouble. Worried about having to flip it to – gasp – PURPLE – if he had another incident in the day! But he made a mistake and had to pay the consequences.

I made a mistake today and had to flip my card to yellow, figuratively. I recognized that something I said and did had different consequences than I realized. My first reaction was not unlike a six-year old’s – I was going to be in trouble. My stomach seized in knots, adrenaline rushed through my veins and caused my hands to shake, and my first instinct was to get out of it. Can I avoid confrontation? Can this be pinned on someone else? Who will find out and what will they think of me? And then I realized something important – I cared too much about the person involved to not apologize.

After apologizing, the control of the situation is truly out of my hands.  

Forgiveness takes on many forms.  Sometimes it comes with formal conversation and therapeutic soul searching.  Sometimes it involves letting time fade the memory of the hurt.  And sometimes it takes on truly unique and awe-inspiring forms.

The Ubuntu tribe of South Africa has gained attention for its ritual of forgiveness.  When a tribesperson does something wrong, others bring the offender to the center of the village.  The tribe surrounds the individual for two days.  During that time, the members of the tribe speak of all the favorable and generous things the offender has done in his or her lifetime.  The message is that each person is good but will make mistakes; mistakes are actually cries for help.  The ritual unites the people and allows the fallen to reconnect with their true nature.

This practice of the Ubuntu recognizes that humans are united and that every individual's behavior affects every other individual. The practice involves favoring reconciliation over estrangement.  Practicing compassion, forgiveness, mercy, grace...how very like the teachings of Jesus, who taught us that we should not forgive only once or twice, or even seven times, but 70 times seven times.  We should forgive as God forgives us, keeping in mind that we may soon be the one seeking forgiveness from others.