My Own Reasons Why

A few weeks ago, The Message published Sister Helena Burns’ review of “13 Reasons Why,” a series produced by Netflix based on the novel by Jay Asher. The series chronicles the tale of Hannah, who takes her life and leaves behind 13 audiotapes that explain how individuals had played a part in her decision to commit suicide. I had read the novel years ago and more recently binge-watched the series when it was first released in March.  It was, as Sister Helena reported, a dark, intense watch that left the viewer emotionally spent.

    At the conclusion, my husband and I had some very poignant dialogue about parenting.  Originally we thought we wanted the kids to watch the series, but we reexamined that decision at the conclusion. We wanted to be open to discussions concerning suicide but wanted to spare them from some of the graphic images and situations as they were portrayed. My younger son, in particular, was intrigued by the series as his classmates had been discussing the popular book and television show. We made an informed decision to not allow him to watch.

    A few weeks later, I received a letter from my child’s school cautioning parents about this series.  The letter recounted the graphic nature of the program and warned of topics that may be difficult for young viewers to handle.

    I appreciated the care and concern shown by our school administration in sending the notice. However, I continued to wrestle with my own thoughts and passionate reaction to the series.  I may have wanted to protect children from the content, but felt that some parents I know would benefit from viewing at least a portion of the episodes.

I had watched the series through a parental lens, comparing the characters with teens I know and love, and dissecting the choices that parents make with real-life examples I have experienced.  Although fictional, the parties, school bullying and parental naiveté rang true.

I also watched the series through the lens of a teacher and school administrator.  The situations portrayed and the scripted reactions of the school faculty were flawed, just as they may be in real life. This show reminded me of the high costs of mistakes when looking after students.

    Finally, I watched the show through the lens of being a teen, having been one eons ago.  This was the most difficult - like it or not, memories of difficult times came flooding back.  (For anyone who has struggled with significant pain and abuse, this is not the series to watch.) And although the series has its faults, it left me ferociously determined to communicate clearly with my kids.

    Sister Helena pointed out in her review that God is surprisingly not mentioned throughout the series. I agree that lack of faith is concerning. I can note that one character, in particular, moved through the stages of grief: denial, guilt, bargaining, loneliness...into pity.  Pity, not condemnation, is the response of the Church.  “So for those of us who remain, the Church encourages paying attention to the pain that produced the action,” William J. Byron, a writer for the “Catholic Digest,” states. “Then, look forward, not back, to pain within ourselves and pain in others, especially when we see no signs and hear no calls for help.”

    I doubt many of us have lived our lives untouched by the pain of suicide.  This series, however flawed, has reminded me to look for the messages that are going unspoken and be Jesus to one another.