'I Decided To Start Discerning God's Plan'
My junior year of high school was a rough year. Not only did I struggle to keep my grades up academically, but my dad asked me questions about my post-high school plans that I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what I wanted to study, let alone if I was going to get married, become a Nun or a Sister, or what I wanted to do. I decided to seriously start discerning God’s plans for me.
In February 2012, I went to a weekend discernment retreat with the Dominican Sisters of Ann Arbor, Mich., and loved it so much that I enrolled at Indiana State to get my teaching degree so that I would be able to join the Dominican Sisters. In March 2013, a few months from the end of my first year of college, I went to a weekend discernment retreat with the Dominican Sisters of Nashville, Tenn. It was a beautiful weekend, and I absolutely loved it! I knew this was what I wanted to do with my life. (Notice all of the “I’s” in my choices).
When I went back to school after the March weekend, the vocation director from the Dominicans called me and gave me some advice and tips in a phone conversation that lasted almost an hour. At the end of the call, she told me that she feels I have a vocation, but I need to keep my options open and that if, after a year, I still feel called to them, come back. She also recommended that I find a Spiritual Director and begin a prayerful discernment with God. I was crushed; but when I looked back, I realized that I was focusing on what I wanted and not what God was actually calling me to do. After hanging up with her, I called my parents crying and freaking out because I didn’t have a ‘Plan B’ and this is why I was at school. They calmed me down and told me to finish the school year and we’d look at other plans over the summer.
I came home for the summer and began looking for a Spiritual Director, but could not find anyone to help me. Shortly after the Feast of Corpus Christi in 2013, my dad had a discussion with Sister Carolyn of the Little Sisters of the Poor. She knew our family from the years she had been at the Evansville Home as we were members of St. Benedict Cathedral and she often went to Mass there. While they spoke, dad mentioned that I was discerning a vocation and was looking for a Spiritual Director. Sister asked to meet with me, and within a few weeks we met. I didn’t know anything heading into that meeting except that I was looking for a Sister Carolyn, and I was meeting her at the Little Sisters of the Poor. It turned out to be great that my parents set us up.
During our first few meetings, Sister got to know about me, my family, my Faith and my upbringing. When she started to explain to me what the Little Sisters did, I got curious. I was also still looking at other orders. My parents were giving me Religious Life Magazine and the Knights of Columbus’ Columbian Magazine, which was featuring a different order each month. I also was looking at orders online and researching different orders in different areas of the country. I wasn’t being influenced or pushed by Sister Carolyn in any set direction as far as looking at orders. We were looking at a lot of them, but I was slowly building interest in what her order did.
I’m sad to admit that I lived across town from the Little Sisters home my whole life and attended Church across the street for 12 years, yet this was the first time I had been inside their doors or gotten a real sense of what they did. I decided to ask Sister Carolyn for a two-week trial on a volunteer basis so that I could experience it myself. I told her that even if I decided it wasn’t for me, at least I had tried it. She agreed to let me try. For 2 weeks, I volunteered at the home from 11:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m.; and as the weeks kept going, the time kept getting later until I wouldn’t come home until 9:30 p.m. some nights. Before I knew it, four months had passed – and I was still volunteering.
My parents quit asking me where I had been, and I was still meeting with Sister Carolyn weekly. During this time, my parents noticed a new glow on my face and happiness in my demeanor they hadn’t seen before. They mentioned it to me; and since I hadn’t noticed it, I started self-watching and realized that they were right. I very much wanted to become a Little Sister! The Sisters unfortunately were selling their home in Evansville, and when I mentioned to Sister my interest in joining, she encouraged me to return to school to finish my post-secondary education. I asked what she wanted me to study and she said to get a two- or four-year degree in anything I wish. So, I began conversations with my parents and decided to go to IVY Tech to get my Associate’s Degree in Human Services with a focus in elderly care. I began school in January 2014 and graduated with my degree and several state-certified certificates in May 2016. Sister Carolyn was transferred to the home in Mobile, Ala., and we continued our conversations weekly to continue my discernment.
It turned out to be a wonderful school program for me. I learned so much and received so many certificates along with my Associate’s Degree that are going to be helpful as a Little Sister. While in school, I also took a part-time position at a local nursing home to help me see firsthand what working with the elderly would be like. On my school breaks (winter, spring, summer, etc.) I visited different homes in order to keep up the contact, as the Sisters had moved out of Evansville. In the course of 2 ½ years, I visited 12 homes. These included: Evansville and Indianapolis; Chicago, Ill; Palatine, Ill; Louisville, Ky; St. Louis, Mo; St. Ann’s Novitiate, N.Y.; Queens, N.Y.; Bronx, N.Y.; Mobile, Ala; St. Paul, Minn; and Denver, Colo.
Each visit was different as my discernment progressed. As I was first beginning to discern, I was a regular volunteer and helped in the dining room, assisted with activities, helped take residents to where they needed to go around various areas of the homes and was able to sometimes be with them for Evening Prayer. As time went on, I was allowed to help more; and on overnight visits I would be invited to Morning Prayer. Then as I was more centered on Little Sisters, I was invited to join them for certain meals in the convent; and on my last visit to a home, I was allowed to stay in the convent with them. It’s a beautiful process within the order that allows a young woman to truly get a sense whether this is God’s calling.
I have spent a lot of years reading different books on various lives of the Saints. I remembered how many of them asked God to let them know if their choices during Discernment were correct and so I, wanting to know if I was on the right path, asked God for 3 signs that I was somewhere close to where he wanted me to be. I got 3 signs in 3 weeks. My first sign was when I went to the Bruté Mass because my brothers needed a ride since they were serving. Saint Jeanne Jugan, the foundress of the Little Sisters, was part of the Litany. I had never heard her be part of a Litany before and took my book home to prove it to my parents. The second sign came when I took some of my siblings to a Holy Hour and my brother found the book “15 Day’s Prayer with St. Jeanne Jugan” in the chapel and brought it over and laid it next to me. It surprised me that he found it because he wasn’t looking for anything in particular, just a prayer book for his Holy Hour. My last sign came in the form of an old friend. Archabbot Lambert from St. Meinrad came to St. Ben’s the weekend after my Great-Grandma died to give a retreat talk for one of the groups on campus and stayed to give the homily for the weekend Masses. After Mass he was talking with my mom and told her he had spoken with my Grandma. My mom asked then if Grandma had told him about my good news and without missing a beat he told her no and asked me if I was going to be a Little Sister. Mom and I were both shocked, and thought that Grandma had told him, but he kept insisting she hadn’t. Mom and I later suspected that Great-Grandma had told him after her death.
On March 25, 2016, the Feast of the Annunciation, and this year also Good Friday, I officially received permission to enter the Little Sisters of the Poor. On Sept. 25, 2016, Benedictine Father Godfrey Mullen and St. Benedict Cathedral Parish were kind enough to give me a Parish Farewell Mass; and on Oct. 23, 2016, at the Little Sisters home in Louisville, Evansville Bishop Charles C. Thompson honored me by coming to Louisville and being the main Celebrant for my entrance Mass. On Oct. 25, 2016, the Birthday of Saint Jeanne Jugan, I officially entered the Little Sisters of the Poor and flew to Baltimore to begin my Postulancy. It has been quite a journey getting this far, and I know it will be a journey moving forward; but I thank everyone for the prayers and support, and I ask that everyone continue to pray for me as I continue to now ask God what he wants of me….
If you have any questions about the Little Sisters of the Poor, feel free to contact Sister Carolyn Martin at 251-591-3700 or vocmobile@littlesistersofthepoor.org
To the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary.
Payne’s parents, John and Kimberly, wrote about their journey with Katelyn as she discerned her vocation. Look for that story in the Nov 25 issue of The Message.
