Family Walks Journey Of Discernment With Oldest Daughter/sister
So, what do you do as parents and family when one of your children seeks to answer the call from God, to follow a vocation in the Religious Life – or any vocation for that matter? That is a question that we hope most if not all Catholics have at least thought about even if they haven’t spoken about it. For the Payne family, it had to be answered over the last several years as our oldest daughter Katelyn began that very search in her life. Our family is a typical Catholic family. We go to Mass together on Sunday, we pray together, eat meals together and support each other in school, sports, scouts, band and any other activities or things that come up in life. So, the approach to discerning for a religious vocation, although new to us, was really just another wonderful challenge.
We started (as parents) just letting our daughter know we support her curiosity and encourage her to ask questions. We spoke to her about discernment and what it meant to REALLY listen for God to speak and guide her and encouraged her to begin regular visits to the Blessed Sacrament in the form of Holy Hours (fortunately, our Dioceses has several 24 hour Adoration Chapels available). We encouraged her to seek Daily Mass attendance, to pray the rosary daily, we spoke about different orders of Religious Groups and encouraged her to search the web and read about the many different orders. We also began encouraging her to obtain – from the library, the Kindle books she has access to or purchased books – and read books about various lives of the Saints. But the most difficult aspect of discernment was trying to disconnect from the “noise” that goes on in everyday life. Katelyn stopped using social media, stopped watching as much TV and listened to less radio. She followed the news, but worked hard to disconnect from all other forms of media. This combination did several things. First, it allowed Katelyn to begin to develop an understanding of God and his calling. Second, as you can imagine, it began to open many discussions – usually at dinner with the entire family (there are 12 of us) participating. Third, it then began to get the other children to take an interest in what Katelyn was “studying.” It began; can I read that book next? Can I go to Holy Hour with Katelyn? Can we talk about that saint or why did this happen? The questions went on and on. Of course, Mom and Dad had to do a lot of reading and research also to keep the conversations going.
As time continued to pass, we began discussions with Katelyn about visiting different orders, doing “vocation weekend retreats” and going on “Nun Runs” around the diocese. We encouraged her to do volunteer work at the Little Sisters of the Poor home, and to visit and speak with Sisters from all around the diocese and other orders. We informed her about the Institute for Religious life’s website, EWTN, the articles on religious orders in the “Columbian” magazine from the Knights of Columbus and many other avenues – including family time watching movies of the lives of various saints. As time passed and she continued having trouble “knowing what God wanted her to do,” she was advised by some of the orders to find a Spiritual Director.
She finished high school, began college, withdrew from college, found a Spiritual Director, went back to college and graduated. She continued to read, make Holy Hours, attend daily Mass, pray the rosary, ask questions and talk to people as she “discerned” God’s calling. All the while, mom and dad and the family as a whole, continued to pray and discuss the aspects of discernment.
Everyone tells you a different story of how they “knew” when they found God’s plan for them. For our family, we “knew” Katelyn’s answer as we saw her mature, grow in love and peace, and actually had a “glow” about her as she worked with and learned more about the Little Sisters of the Poor. Her whole attitude, behavior and personality changed with each passing day of prayer, Mass, study and volunteering.
The entire family was going through this process, and each of us was learning something about ourselves – as much as we were learning about Katelyn. This process, which Mom and Dad started when Katelyn was seven years old, (she is 23 now) has taught us all the importance of family, prayer, research, openness to growth, conversation, family love, willingness to serve others and commitment.
For us, and with Katelyn being the oldest, we hope that the experiences our family has gone through will encourage others to approach their vocational call from God – be it priest, religious, married or single laity – in the same dedicated, thorough, prayerful process that they we went through with Katelyn. It does not matter what the vocation call is; this is what we are teaching our children – the process needs to be to truly find God’s call for them.
Our hope is that sharing this story with others will encourage other family conversations and foster good ways of discerning a vocation in young people today. And while the vocation-discernment process is different for every order of priests or religious – and even challenging among every family preparing for marriage – you must remember to keep God as your focus and do everything to follow the calling He is asking of you – and that may not be what you want or think you should do. Prayer is the best conversation with God!
Editor’s note – in the Nov. 18 issue, The Message published Katelyn Payne’s first-person account of the journey of discernment that has led her to become a postulant with the Little Sisters of the Poor. In this feature, her parents share their family’s collective walk with their daughter and sister.
The Paynes are members of St. Benedict Cathedral Parish in Evansville.
