Preparing For The College Years:
Ecclesiastes tells us “there is a time for everything under the sun.” As parents, acceptance of “letting go” is essential to development in our families. Growing comfortable with the idea of transition, there is a frequent action of passing the torch from our hands to the hands of our children with each passing season. It helps to accept that they are not really ours but rather “on loan” and we have the privilege of shepherding their formation during the first many years.
What factors contribute to their success as they fly the nest and move to collegiate life? According to Student Affairs Administrators for Higher Education, academic efficacy, self-regulation and social support are positive predictors. Efficacy is defined as the ability to produce a desired result. Self-efficacy is also a topic of discussion among educators and psychologists who study resilience. It is the belief that one has the ability to produce a desired result or inwardly says, “I can.”
“The moments from pre-school to high school graduation pass through my mind in rapid succession.” It is good for a parent to reflect on the journey of their young person becoming the unique adult they are ordained to be.
Just a year ago, as a parent of a high school senior, near panic set in. Have we discussed everything that needs discussion? What dragons will he be faced with next in life? Will he be prepared to face them and slay them? What about his moral fortitude? External behavior is driven by the internal world and spiritual heart. Where is his heart?
Ignoring statistics can make us less aware, but listening can cause great fear. It is relatively easy for parents to simply give in or give up. Use the information to help shape the guidance needed at this phase of the path.
The American College Counseling Association has noticed a steady increase of students reporting that they are struggling with their mental health. According to the ACCA, four percent of the almost 75,000 undergraduate students who completed the 2015 annual American College Health Association National College Health Assessment reported experiencing greater-than-average stress within the past 12 months, and 10.3 percent reported feeling tremendous stress.
When asked about depression and anxiety during the previous 12 months, 35.3 percent of survey respondents reported feeling so depressed that it was difficult for them to function; and 57.7 percent indicated feeling overwhelming anxiety. According to a 2013 American Psychological Association survey, about one-third of college students have experienced depression within the past year and had difficulty functioning because of it.
Again, there is power in social support, self-efficacy and self-regulation. As we shape and train in these areas we can better “let go” and trust in their abilities to go forth.
Help your young person learn ways to manage stress and cope. Help them know how to reach for support in times of need. Help them learn to face challenges with confidence. All of these skills contribute to the overall management of leaving the nest and gaining new knowledge and skills for a lifetime.
Are you in the process of letting go or preparing for the inevitable season? Check out Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s “Healing the Empty Nester’s Grieving Heart.” This easy read will provide 100 day-to-day ideas to help ease the transition. And make sure you follow the advice you give your sons and daughters – try new things with confidence, seek support from friends and be sure to manage our own stress the best you can.
Davi Stein-Kiley is Vice President of Social Work and Programs for Youth First.
