What Is God Wanting Of Me?
Recently, I contracted a nasty cold at a most inopportune time (is there ever an opportune time?!). Tasks were piled high, and I did not need to be laid low. After I accepted that my cold was here for the duration, I wondered why now. No profound notions came to mind. However, I was reminded to be grateful for my usual good health, and more importantly to be cognizant of the people in my life who suffer from chronic ailments and to consciously pray more for them. If my cold had me down, I thought, how must they feel day in and day out?
Listening to my daughter and a nephew discuss a recently beatified friar, Blessed Sloanus Casey, they mentioned one of his everyday sayings, “Lord, thank you for whatever this day brings.” Wow! What faith! This guy was thanking God for he knew not what, possibly wonderful happenings or possibly a disaster, and yet he was already grateful for anything God sent his way. He believed nothing that befell him was bad because everything is from God. His quote shouts sainthood to me. It is also a challenge that points us in a heavenly direction. If we believe like Blessed Casey that everything happens to us for a purpose, then our next step is to ask the question, “What is God wanting of me?”
Accepting the good is easy; the bad, not so much. Throughout my lifetime, I have had many joyful moments mixed with a smattering of times I would have happily avoided. For years, I ignored sadness or disappointment. I simply prayed that God would grant me and my loved ones happiness and health. I still do. Like most people, the idea of suffering is not desirable. However, I have noticed that I am more attuned to God’s presence in my daily life during difficult periods.
However, we all experience our share of suffering throughout our lives. Physically, it might be as minor as a two-day toothache or as difficult as a stroke. Emotionally, there are times when we are deeply disappointed, discouraged or saddened. Times when what held true for so long is no longer true. Traditions that we cherished as children or adults change. Friends that we once held dear fade from our lives. Relationships falter. People we love die. How do we deal with that ache in our hearts?
St. John Paul II’s answer was, “Don’t waste the suffering.” He said, “By embracing the many crosses of daily life, a person not only sanctifies himself, but also releases a flood of grace for others. We become a living instrument of redemption.” He also said, “… the intensity of suffering is not as important as the degree of love with which one embraces each cross.” While I believe him, actually putting that idea into practice is a daunting task. It requires patience, perseverance and, most importantly, prayer. We need God’s grace to fulfill that directive. We can look to the saints as our models because they lived this truth.
If we listen in those moments of pain and sorrow, I believe God speaks to us. Maybe He is pushing us in another direction that we are reluctant to travel because of its unfamiliarity. Maybe in our pain he is trying to open our eyes to others who need assistance with their lives, but we have been too busy with our own sorrows to notice theirs. Or maybe he is trying to remind us that we are not in control. It is not our plan that is to be followed. He has a much greater one waiting for us if we are willing to relinquish control and say, “Yes, Lord. You truly are the Almighty Father. You do know what is best for me. I believe. Help my unbelief. Amen.”
