More On Old And New Wedding Traditions
In my last article several months ago, I presented the idea that both parents could walk their son and daughter down the aisle on their wedding day as a sign of their support for them, similar to their presentation for baptism and First Communion. Couples who have chosen this option have appreciated this “new custom” because all parents were involved – emphasizing the importance of “family”. (Not all situations may allow for this if there is a divorce and remarriage among the parents.)
Interestingly, a recently-found article from May 2009 by Msgr. Richard Hilgartner, now director of the U.S. Bishops’ Secretariat for Divine Worship, proposed the same idea: “Having both bride and groom escorted down the aisle by their parents expresses equality of the man and woman. That’s also the suggestion of the Catholic Rite of Marriage… The bride and the groom enter freely and equally into marriage, and the entrance procession should reflect that”.
This new custom eliminates the issue of whether the “father gives his daughter away” (although the father really is only escorting his daughter into church). The father does not give away his daughter since most marriages are no longer “pre-arranged” in the U.S., nor is the daughter the “property” of her parents. Therefore, the Catholic ritual never begins with the question – “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"
Today it seems more appropriate that both parents present their children for marriage. This is just another example of a custom coming from a “patriarchal” society that is considered a traditional part of the ceremony, although we have forgotten its original meaning. We must also remember that in our minds “traditional” often means “only what we can remember.” (In 1940, my parents walked each other down the aisle on their wedding day!) Our customs do not stretch back to the Garden of Eden, although some do have an ancient history.
Another custom is the wedding cake. It may come as a surprise to many readers to know that the wedding cake was originally not eaten – but thrown at the bride! During the Roman Empire, the cake was thrown as a fertility ritual. The groom ate part of a thin loaf of barley or wheat cake, and then broke the rest of the loaf over the bride's head. This symbolized the impending loss of the bride’s virginity and the groom’s dominance over her!
By the late 19th century, the wedding cake as we know it today became popular. However, in Scotland, the groom broke an oatcake over the bride’s head; and in Northern Ireland, the bride’s friends would put a napkin over her head before dumping a basket of bread on her head. Thankfully, such male chauvinism has died out!
Most people think that wedding cakes are “white” symbolizing the purity of the bride since it was thought to be the “bride’s cake”. The real reason why wedding cakes were white had a very practical origin. White icing for the bride’s cake, which originated in the 19th century, required the finest refined sugar. The whiter the cake, the more affluent the families appeared. The “white” wedding cake was a sign of wealth.
A beautiful custom that has developed in modern times is the cutting of the first slice of the wedding cake by the bride and groom. Then they feed each other a piece of cake. What a beautiful symbol of the support they promised in their wedding ceremony to provide each other throughout their marriage. However, we have all witnessed how this beautiful symbol of nurturing each other has unfortunately become “trashed” when the bride and groom “stuff” the cake in each other’s mouths or “smear” it on each other’s faces. There is simply nothing beautiful about such behavior on the day when a bride and groom have expressed their lifetime commitment to one another.
Hopefully, these thoughts on some “wedding customs” will provide couples who are planning their ceremonies or parents with young adult unmarried children to reflect on “why they choose to do what they do” and perhaps look at some other symbols that can express what they want their life together to mean.
Fr. Sauer writes about the Sacraments. This is his latest in a series on the Sacrament of Marriage.
