Contemplating Friendships That Need To End
How does one separate from longtime friends? Why would one separate from longtime friends?
Sometimes it’s necessary for friends to split apart because of differences in values. These can be difficult situations. It’s easy to feel obligated to remain friends for a variety of reasons: the length of the friendship, basic mutual interests, etc. However, if our relationship causes us to struggle between being true to ourselves and God, and being agreeable with friends to bypass conflict, that’s an unnecessary situation.
We can end friendships to improve our daily lives and still be kind and forgiving to those same people. It is commonly misperceived that friends can only split in two ways: by gradually growing apart or with a messy, dramatic fracture. There’s no need to burn bridges, but there must be some sort of clear division.
In each of the synoptic Gospels, Jesus says to cut off the limb that may lead us to sin. In Matthew 18:15-17, he directs us to address problems between each other, and if we can’t solve them by ourselves, then we should involve others to help us. At the end, he says that if our friend still doesn’t listen to reason from the higher authority, then we should treat them as if they were a “Gentile or a tax collector.”
This doesn’t imply that we should shun them because he also reiterates throughout the Gospels that we must love our enemies and be kind to everyone. He’s telling us that we shouldn’t keep them as close friends anymore, but we should still regard them with love and respect. We don’t need to spend time with them recreationally if it causes problems.
Jesus only said that we should love everyone, not that we have to be friends with everyone. The former does not automatically require the latter.
It’s hard to let go of friends. We share memories with each other, and parts of our lives will always be associated with each other. But a friendship should never be prolonged if it’s devolving into a more detrimental relationship. It should be put to a stop before different issues cause us to vilify each other. Such divides are as inevitable as the changing of the tides; people and circumstances change, and sometimes these factors are not as hospitable to friendships as they once were.
We must recognize the signs and cooperate with each other to let our relationships grow and change – just as we do. Again, Jesus guides us through our lives and helps us realize that some people get along better with more distance between them. He teaches us the intricacies of caring for everyone while surrounding ourselves with a certain few.
The unconditional love we owe to all people is in no way diminished by the end of a friendship; indeed, sometimes such an ending is necessary to make it easier to carry out that love.
