Balance
Sometimes we can be the biggest obstacles to our empowerment, and sometimes we can be the only motivators pushing ourselves onward. Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves, and sometimes we can be too easy.
I think each one of us has a tendency to be more of one than the other. I know for myself, I have always been my own biggest critic – and I will let my own doubts and anxieties get in the way of achieving greater things in life. But sometimes we can be too easy on ourselves. I am a very strong believer in the necessity of self-care, but sometimes we overdo it. We can become too complacent and shower ourselves with rewards and excuses – without taking the leap of faith and doing what is difficult.
Life is all about finding the perfect balance of being gentle with ourselves and pushing ourselves. It’s all about being realistic about who we are and what we can do in this life. You have to learn to be kind to yourself because no one will ever truly understand you the way you understand yourself – because only you know exactly what you’ve been through. There are many times in life that you won’t have someone to be there for you to comfort you; so you must learn how to comfort your own heart. And in the same way, you have to push past your comfort zone and knock down the excuses that keep you there. Sometimes self-care needs to be tough love and doing what you need, instead of what you want to do.
Jesus understood this well in his teachings. He compassionately absolved the sins of tax collectors and prostitutes because he understood their pain and welcomed their faith (John 12). And in the same loving way he tells us “to whom much has been given, much is expected” (Luke 12:48). His teachings are a two-edged sword: his words comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. He knows the depths of our hearts and embraces us with gentleness and understanding, but he still challenges us to live with reckless abandon and calls us to step out of our comfort zones.
Spend time truly knowing yourself. Consider who you once were, who you are right now, and what kind of person you want to be in the future. Write down the weaknesses and strengths of yourself in the past, present, and future individually. This helps to give your life a purpose and direction of who you want to become and it also helps you to truly identify all parts of where you’ve been and what you want to become in this life. We only get the gift of this one life so we must be meaningful of our actions. Only by truly knowing yourself can you move forward to serve Christ and your neighbors.
To create the habit of self-care and living an authentic life, the biggest game changer for me has been changing the way I think. I changed the inner dialogue in my head and the thoughts that go through my mind when I immediately react to something. For example, the unkind things I say to myself when I make a mistake or the excuse I have ready when I “don’t have time” to pray.
It took me several years, but I stopped the negative self-talk and turned it into thoughts that were more gentle towards myself and more realistic of where I’m at in life right now. It takes a long time to make it a habit, but I made it a priority to stop trash-talking myself and actually begin to gently take care of myself. I still need to work harder to stop making the flimsy excuses when I don’t want to do something I should.
So be hard on yourself when you need to step up to the challenge, and be gentle on yourself when you make mistakes. Jesus teaches us that, other than loving God with our whole strength, the greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31). How can we love our neighbors with compassion if we don’t first master how to love ourselves? Take time and make a habit of finding the balance.
