Learning To Say No
Note from the author: This article was written before I began my first semester at the University of Notre Dame. I believe the message is still very important and applicable, but I think making any changes to the context would slightly change the message, and I want to keep that as it is. My next article will be from my current perspective, though.
As I face my freshman year of college, I recognize that I often overload myself. I’ve been whittling away at my commitments because I know I need to slow down and focus on the few things that truly matter, and I want to be free from undue stress. I realize I need to preemptively say no to things and make a plan, and I need it to be very narrowly focused yet flexible if I hope to realistically achieve it. I believe this situation is not unique to me. Life goes quickly, and we have too many interests and goals to satisfy them all.
In his book “Lessons from the Monastery that Touch Your Life,” M. Basil Pennington O.C.S.O. wrote, “Consciously giving up some good things in order to do others, we will do the chosen things with a much greater fullness and find a greater joy in them. Moreover, really making choices and letting go of some of the multitude of desires that have been lurking within us, we let go of some of the simmering unhappiness that has been lurking within us because of these unfilled desires.” It is necessary to say no, even to good, appealing opportunities. We must focus on energies on a select few goals. When I was reflecting on this, I realized I don’t want to have one-sided goals, either. I want objectives from which more good will flow if they are properly accomplished.
Therefore, I am approaching this school year with only two goals: I want to have fun learning and I want to cultivate silence. I chose these two because they apply to every situation. If I am overwhelmed, I can remind myself of these ideas and ask myself if I’m focused on them. If I’m not, then they will drive me back to a healthy lifestyle. Both aspirations are also fountains for more good in my life.
If I have fun learning, I will work harder to learn more and do better, thus getting good grades without the stress of only looking for the letter. If I cultivate silence, then I will be able to identify good priorities and manage my time better. In his book “The Power of Silence,” Cardinal Robert Sarah wrote, “Man controls his hours of activity if he knows how to enter into silence. The life of silence must be able to precede the active life.” This statement, as well as my personal experience with its truth, gives me hope that if I actively seek silence, the busyness of college will be more manageable. Additionally, Pope St. John Paul II said we must have silence “if we wish to be able not only to become aware of God’s voice but also to make out the voice of the person beside us, the voices of others.” Through cultivating silence, I will be able to develop stronger relationships with my peers and most importantly, converse with God.
Solid goals with solid plans and execution lead to solid results … as long as our solid goals are feasible in design. We should choose our commitments carefully and be mindful of their consequences. Are there enough benefits from our goals to motivate us to hold strong to them, or are they goals set by others’ expectations? Do we have so many goals that we exhaust ourselves? As for me, I will focus on a few and reap the benefits; I will let go of the varied interests that pull my attention, time, and energy elsewhere. I look forward to this year and the pursuit of happiness through these two avenues.
Maria Sermersheim is a 2018 graduate of Reitz Memorial High School. She served as a summer intern with The Message and is a freshman at the University of Notre Dame.
