Steps To Help You And Your Teen Get Ready For College

Last fall I took my oldest child to her college freshman orientation at Indiana University, and a year from now I’ll be doing the same with my youngest.  During one of the parent sessions, they asked us to write letters to our children that would be mailed to their dorm room a few weeks after they start classes.  The idea is to give the students a boost a few weeks in, but I think the real reason for the exercise was to help parents start the process of letting go.  As parents, we do need to prepare ourselves for our children flying from the nest, but we also need to prepare our children to fly from that nest in the best way possible.  Those flying lessons should start well in advance of the proverbial boost from the nest.  The transition to college, no matter how exciting, can be stressful for teens and their parents. But preparing in the years before take-off can ensure that our teens fly rather than fall when they set out on their own.  The following are some specific guidelines on preparing adolescents and their parents for college life.

• Talk to your child. Openly discuss any concerns and fears your child has before leaving for college. It is also important to express your expectations related to academic achievement, financial responsibility, safety precautions, and any other concerns with your child. Once your child is at school, it is important to maintain a healthy balance of communication, so as to allow him or her a sense of independence. For example, set up a regular time to talk on the phone weekly, or to chat online, but don’t hover.
• Educate. Your adolescent is likely to face increased social pressures in college, with less adult supervision. Talk to your child in advance about sex, drugs and alcohol on campus, and explain the consequences of risk-taking behaviors. Discuss ways in which your college student can ensure his/her safety while fully experiencing college life. It is helpful for your child to hear your perspective and point of view. Also discuss the importance of cultivating great friendships.  The buddy system is the single best safety measure your child has throughout his/her college career. It’s another set of eyes on your child and it’s another set of brains to give input when sticky situations arise.  Make sure your child knows that help is always available.
• Strike a healthy balance, Encourage accountability. Inspire self-reliance and independence in your teen. Allow your son or daughter to set and pursue his/her goals for college and the future. It is important that college students handle some important decisions on their own, such as choosing a major and social activities. Encourage your teen while in high school to take responsibility for his/her everyday living, including managing finances and meeting deadlines.  The sooner your teen can manage school and social schedules effectively, the better prepared he/she will be when required to manage multiple tasks independently. 

Some of these steps seem obvious, but some, like holding our children accountable, are more difficult than they seem.  Nobody said parenting was easy or comfortable.  But treating our kids more like adults in how we discuss expectations and safety will hopefully ensure they behave more like adults once they are out of our nests. 

Keys is Director of Social Work for Youth First Inc.