A Look Into How God Rebuilds Us
Brothers and sisters in Christ, I write this while on my annual Jesuit retreat. I entered into this year’s retreat spiritually dissipated. I found myself in need of God’s consolation, but it was difficult to pinpoint the areas of my need.
Thursday night was a restless one. I was internally agitated and sleepless. Friday was the most time I had been able to spend with God in a long while; Confession, the rosary, Mass, reflection, community…simply sitting in the holy presence of God. Still, throughout the day I would find myself with my hands rubbing my head, wondering what this feeling was inside that gripped me. My prayer? Simple consolation.
Friday night, I went to bed somewhat exhausted from the day-long struggles. I placed my anxieties, questions and the narrow view that sin creates into the hands of my Creator and fell asleep.
This morning, I awoke with a smile on my face. I awoke in the presence and realization that God was there, sitting with me. Interesting how I had allowed myself to constrict that grace over the past year. I had to separate myself, lay myself open, break away the crust of sin and allow myself to be reimagined by my God, recreated if you will, in order for me to again receive fully God’s indwelling.
I have been on this pilgrim’s path now for a long while, and I am still surprised to find when I have allowed myself to dwindle. I am always just as surprised when I find how quickly God is willing to rush back into my life once I have cracked myself open to allow him back in.
This, of course, is the simplified version of this experience. It is impossible to delve into the minutia of nuances that go into the spiritual happenings of one’s life in an article such as this. However, I share the summary as a reminder that we are created out of love by a God who wishes nothing more than to be with us; and if we find that we have lost sight of him, then it is our task to wrestle with ourselves in order to allow him back into our lives. He is there, waiting.
Reflection: Are we in need of breaking ourselves open to again let God into our lives? Who in our lives has fallen away from the Church (children, grandchildren, parents, friends)? How can we be an instrument of God’s grace in their lives?
